And now, approaching her first Christmas since he passed away she was all too aware that she was on her own, left by herself in their world and surroundings, without him.
With shaky hands, she lowered the volume on her remote control so the Christmas music special on the TV faded to a quiet and peaceful background. She looked at the pile of envelopes that had arrived in the mail that afternoon. With the inevitable wince of pain from her fingers, crippled from arthritis, she opened each of them. She noticed again, that the statements were still addressed to her husband. Some of the envelopes contained Christmas cards, and her sad eyes smiled at the familiarity of the traditional scenes and the loving hand written messages inside. She arranged them among the others on the stereo cabinet top. In her entire house, they were the only seasonal decoration for Christmas. The holiday was less than a week away, but she did not have the heart or interest to put up a tree, or put out decorations around the living room. She and her husband had bought the makings for their annual gifts of homemade fudge before the surgery, but they sat unused in the cupboard.
Suddenly engulfed by the loneliness of it all, she buried her face in her hands and let the tears flow. How would she possibly get through this Christmas and the rest of the winter?
The ring of the doorbell was so unexpected that she had to stifle a small scream of surprise. Who was coming to visit? She did not want to answer the door. She looked through the curtains and saw standing at her door, a young man she did not recognize. His head was barely visible above the large cardboard carton he was holding in his arms. She peered beyond him to the driveway, but there was nothing about the small car to give a clue as to his identity. Summoning courage, she opened the door slightly, and he stepped sideways to speak into the space.
“Merry Christmas!” the young man said cheerfully. She nodded. He continued, “I have a package for you.”
Curiosity drove caution from her mind. She pulled the door open, and he entered. Smiling, he placed his burden carefully on the floor and stood to retrieve an envelope that protruded from his pocket. As he handed it to her, a sound came from the box. She stepped backwards. The man laughed in apology and bent to straighten up the cardboard flaps, holding them open in an invitation for her to peek inside.
It was an adorable, fluffy puppy! As the young gentleman lifted its squirming little body up into his arms, he explained, “This is for you, ma’am.” The little puppy wiggled in happiness at being cuddled and began giving ecstatic, wet kisses on the young man’s face.
“We were supposed to deliver it on Christmas Eve,” he continued, as he stroked the puppy’s body, “but our staff at the kennel starts our holiday vacation this afternoon, so I hope you don’t mind if we deliver your present early.”
Shock had stolen her ability to think clearly. Unable to form coherent sentences, she stammered, “But…I don’t…I mean…who…oh, that granddaughter of mine!?”
The young fellow set the animal down on the doormat between them
and then reached out a finger to tap the envelope she was still holding.
“There’s a letter in there that explains everything, but the puppy was purchased while it was still in its mother’s womb.”
The stranger turned to go. Desperation forced the words from her lips. “But who…who bought it?”
Pausing in the open doorway, he replied, “Your husband, ma’am. Have a wonderful Christmas!” Then he was gone, and she stood by the closed door holding the letter.
Forgetting the puppy as she looked at the familiar handwriting, she walked carefully to her chair and sat down to read the letter. She forced her tear-filled eyes to read the words her husband had written the week before his surgery date and had left with the kennel owners to be delivered with the puppy on Christmas Day. It was full of love and encouragement and admonishments to be strong, just in case anything happened to him at the hospital. He vowed that if he did not make it through his ordeal, he would be waiting for the time when they would be together again. He said he was sending her this puppy to keep her company and be her protector until then.
Remembering the baby dog for the first time, she was surprised to find it sitting quietly, looking up, with it’s small mouth in the shape of a sweet smile. She put the paper aside and reached for the bundle of fur. It felt so soft and warm as she cradled it in her crippled hands. It licked her fingers and then cuddled into the bend of her arm. The tears began anew at this exchange of affection and companionship. She realized she was not alone anymore and how wonderful it felt to hold this soft ball of trust and love.
Finally, she lowered it to the floor and regarded it thoughtfully. She wiped her wet cheeks and somehow mustered her first real smile since hearing that her husband had cancer.
“Well, little one, I guess it’s you and me now.” Its large brown eyes sparkled back at her in agreement. Her smile strengthened, and her
gaze shifted sideways to the window. Dusk had fallen. Through fluffy flakes that were drifting downward to the powder covered ground, she saw the cheery Christmas lights edging the rooflines of her neighbor’s home. She heard the soothing sounds of “Silent Night” coming quietly from the television.
Suddenly she felt the most amazing sensation of peace and benediction wash over her. It was like being enfolded in a loving embrace. Her heart beat rapidly with joy and wonder. Grief and loneliness were no longer in control. She thanked God and silently promised her husband that she would love his last gift to her with all of her heart. She found a new purpose to life and knew that her days would be filled with love until she and her husband stand side by side, together again.
Returning her attention to the puppy, she said, “You know, Baby, I have a box in the closet that I think you’ll like. There’s a little tree in it that’s just your size! And I think I can find my Santa doll that will play Christmas tunes for us. What do you think about that?”
The puppy yipped happily in agreement, as if it understood every word. Slowly and carefully they walked toward the bedroom closet, ready to make their first Christmas together a very special one.
I hope your Christmas Seasons are special too. Remember, the world is full of love. We just need to know where to look for it.
In loving memory of my mother-in-law and father-in-law.
Blessings, Judy
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